Children suffering from Separation Anxiety often want to sleep in their parents beds. This may be the childs way of reassuring himself that nothing will happen to Mom or Dad during the night. While this can be endearing at first, it can eventually grow into a problem. There are many parents who now have children that refuse to sleep in their own beds. As you can imagine, this brings about several undesired consequences, not the least of which is not having your bed to yourself.
If you have already found yourself in this position, it is time to do something about it. Getting your child to sleep in his or her own bed can be a challenge, but the benefits for both you and the child make it worthwhile. Refusal to let the child sleep with you will probably result in a flood of tears and possibly some real tantrums, so you must be prepared and have a strong resolve. Our babies cries tear at our hearts, but keep in mind the fact that you are doing this for the good of the child (and the rest of the family).
How do you get your child to move out of your bed? The first step is to make it exciting. Perhaps take him shopping for a new nightlight, as waking up alone in the dark can genuinely be frightening. One of the best ways of combating Separation Anxiety is to create routines, and bedtime is no exception. In fact, it is one of the most important routines to set. Perhaps your routine will involve a bath followed by a story in the childs bed. When you have finished, kiss him goodnight and let him know you will be there in the morning before leaving the room. You must resist the urge to give in to repeated requests for water, more kisses, etc., and if your child gets up, you must firmly insist that he return to bed. This is not the time to return and tuck him in all over again.
Some children will go to extraordinary lengths to try and break your will. Of course, they dont do this on purposealthough sometimes it seems like they do! Your child may cry for several hours or even make it through the night without sleeping. If this is the case, do your best to stick to your normal routine the next day, and he will eventually become quite tired at bedtime. If he develops a severe case of insomnia, however, you may need to speak with a therapist. Some children will also cry until they literally vomit. In this case, you should clean up the mess and return the child to bed. Such a reaction may go on for a period of time, but it will dissipate. You do not want to rebuke the child for this physical reaction, but you also should not offer lots of sympathy; as that can encourage such a response to being put in his own bed.
The most difficult aspect of getting your child to sleep in his own bed is also the most difficult, and that is not giving in to the cries and pleas. It may be necessary to sit outside your childs door for a while so he can see you, and that is o.k., but responding to the cries and tantrums is not. In fact, giving in once is going to set your progress back, possibly to the beginning. If he keeps getting out of bed, you may have to lower your voice, crouch to his level and reinforce your command to return to bed. It is difficult to see your child distressed this way, but in the long run, he will become happier and more independent.
When your child wakes the next morning, be sure to point out that you are still in the home, just as you promised you would be. This is fundamental to most aspects of teaching children to move past their Separation Anxiety. When you leave for the grocery store, for example, tell him goodbye and let him know you will be back soon. When you do return, point out that you did just as you said you would. The idea is to reinforce for the child that nothing bad is going to happen to you while you are out of his presence. That includes during the sleeping hours of the night! |
